Grief and Joy In A Season of Celebration
December 2022. The Holiday Season is here. This is a time of festivities and fun, a time for friends and family, gatherings and making memories. It’s also a time for remembering the year that has come and almost gone – recalling both the joyful and the painful, in order to move forward into the New Year with perspective and gratitude.
While it is true that the holidays are often a happy time for many, they can also be filled with deep sadness for others in the wake of loss and grief. So how can we honor our experiences in this season, sitting with the hard things as well as the good?
I’d like to share the story of one family who is endeavoring to do just that. I met Joshua Morton and Angela Ware-Morton over a cup of coffee, and they gave me a glimpse into their still-fresh journey with grief. It is their desire that their story will be one that can provide help for others going through similar situations. Joshua and Angela’s son, Hudson Rhys Morton, was on this earth just 10 short days, yet his impact will continue for years to come. This is their story.
Preparing for A New Season
When Angela and Joshua learned they were expecting a baby, they were initially surprised, but their response quickly turned to excitement. They embraced the joyful season of pregnancy and preparation. Early on, however, genetic testing revealed that their baby had AVSD (Atrioventricular Septal Defect), along with some other heart-related issues. It was also suspected that their baby would have Down syndrome.
The flood of information was overwhelming. Yet as they processed all of it, Joshua and Angela made the decision that regardless the challenges that might come with their baby, they would love him no matter what. They jumped into research and prenatal care, switching all of their medical care to Texas Children’s Hospital to ensure the best care for their little one.
At 34 weeks, during a prenatal stress test, the baby’s heart began to decelerate. Angela’s doctors recommended doing an induction. However, because their baby was already struggling, Angela requested a C-section to minimize more stress on the baby.
A New and Beautiful Life
Hudson Rhys Morton entered this world on March 14, 2022. He was pink, he cried immediately after birth, and appeared in every way like a typical baby. At 3 pounds, 10 ounces, Hudson was tiny, yet as mom Angela said, “He was perfect, just a compact version of a healthy-looking baby.” Having been prepared for the worst-case scenario, Joshua and Angela were thankful Hudson was not as critical as anticipated and he appeared to be a fighter. He was put on a by-pap and transferred to the NICU shortly after birth.
Joshua and Angela and their family were thrilled to welcome Hudson to the world. Hudson was born with Down syndrome, along with the heart defects that had been previously determined. Hudson’s parents embraced every challenge, knowing that their son’s life was valuable. He was already deeply loved and he would be fully cared-for without hesitation. During the next 10 days, Hudson was very interactive and alert, giving Angela and Joshua some sweet times of engagement with him.
During this time, Joshua and Angela researched further information on Down syndrome, local support groups, therapies, medical information, and anything else they could imagine they might need for Hudson’s long-term care. In doing this research, they came across GHFEDS (Galveston Houston Families Exploring Down Syndrome), and initially reached out to Kim Ortega, GHFEDS Tiny Tots Coordinator. Kim began communicating with them, offered support, and stayed in contact in the days following.
Joshua and Angela anticipated the need for Hudson to have heart surgery at some point, but the plan was to do things in stages once he was a little older and physically stronger. However, at nine days old, Hudson began experiencing distress.
Continuing to Embrace Whatever Comes
On March 23, 2022 (day nine), Joshua and Angela received a phone call at 10:30 p.m. informing them that the medical team had called a meeting with the cardiology department. The team had decided that Hudson required a heart catheterization and a stint to be put in as soon as possible. This was to be in preparation for further surgeries in the future. Joshua and Angela were asked to be at the hospital first thing the next morning.
As one can imagine, this was a shock to Joshua and Angela. Upon arrival, they spent several hours with Hudson, holding him, talking to him, showering him with love. Between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m., the nursing staff arrived to intubate Hudson in preparation for surgery. Once these things were almost completed the surgeon arrived. Joshua and Angela asked about the risks of surgery and why it was being done so suddenly. The surgeon communicated that while this was an invasive procedure, he had done the surgery many times prior and that it was routine for him. The need for surgery was urgent, yet significant risks were not anticipated.
It was apparent to Joshua and Angela that Hudson was beginning to struggle. After some time with him, they entrusted their baby to the medical team. They knew something needed to be done immediately.
Surgery did not go routinely that day. Hudson’s heart had a spasm from which he could not recover. Although the medical team did CPR on his tiny body, nothing could be done. On March 24, 2022, Angela and Joshua had to say “goodbye” to Hudson, long before they had ever expected.
What Now?
As one can imagine, the grief has been significant for Hudson’s parents. There are questions that remain unanswered. Family members (including Hudson’s siblings) never got to meet little Hudson since he had been in the NICU since birth. And because they were unaware of the risks involved with the surgery, efforts had not yet been made for everyone to meet him.
Yet, in the midst of this great pain, Joshua and Angela want to honor Hudson’s life. Their hope is that their story would be an encouragement to others in similar situations in the future – to let them know they are not alone, and that there is opportunity for support and help for those willing to receive it.
After hearing their story I asked Joshua and Angela a couple of questions:
“What would you want to say to those who might be going through similar circumstances? And what would you want new and expectant parents of a child with Down syndrome to know?”
Joshua and Angela shared some of their takeaways so far.
1. Don’t do it alone. Reach out. There are local and national support groups/organizations whose mission it is to walk with families facing child loss or various diagnoses. Specifically, Joshua and Angela shared that the following Down syndrome organizations expressed great kindness in the midst of their grief.
• GHFEDS (Galveston Houston Families Exploring Down Syndrome): https://ghfeds.org/
• Down Syndrome Diagnosis Network (DSDN): https://www.dsdiagnosisnetwork.org/
Kim (from GHFEDS) showed up at the funeral with flowers. DSDN sent wind chimes, which hang outside Joshua and Angela’s bedroom window. Every time they hear them ring, they think of Hudson.
Support and community are available for those who need it. Joshua and Angela would encourage anyone needing help or information regarding a child with Down syndrome to consider starting with one of these.
Of course, there are organizations that specifically focus on helping those walking through grief, whether or not a diagnosis was involved. Further resources are available at the end of this article.
2. Learn all you can about your child’s diagnosis as early as possible. Ask a lot of questions – even the hard ones – regarding both the risks and the possibilities for your child.
The what-ifs of any medical diagnosis are inevitable, but not all what-ifs are guarantees. The unknown can be very overwhelming in the beginning. Doing research and learning as much as possible regarding your child’s diagnosis will help alleviate some of the overwhelm. You will then be armed with the information to prepare and make decisions about your child’s care. Also, learning all the aspects – positive and negative – will help you not to allow the potential negative implications to become your assumptions for your child.
3. LOVE YOUR BABY – no matter what!
Making this decision ahead of time will give you a strong foundation when dealing with challenges that come along.
4. More support and resources are needed for fathers.
Support for families and moms seems to be much more prevalent, in general. Yet, the fathers in these situations are grieving, too. Even though many times the fathers have to quickly return to their everyday routines, their lives will never be the same, forever marked by the loss of a child. Both Mom and Dad, along with other family members, will experience grief, though how each one deals with grief may look completely different.
5. Be mindful of those around you who are grieving.
Infant loss, miscarriage, or any other kind of loss is not a quick thing to move on from. Grief takes time. As Angela shared, “It is difficult to be with others because ‘small talk’ is hard. Relating to others becomes very challenging after a significant loss.”
Honoring Hudson
Joshua and Angela were so gracious to share the story of Hudson’s short life. As they continue to work through their own grief, they hope something within their story will impact someone else’s, and that ultimately, Hudson’s life would be honored in this way.
So as we continue through the holidays and move into the New Year, if you are going through a loss, please know you are not alone. There are people and resources available to you. Please see below for just a few organizations / resources (both local and national) to get you started on this journey toward healing.
For all of us, may our awareness be heightened to those around us who may be experiencing grief, and may we extend an extra measure of care and compassion in this season.
This is one way we can honor the life of Hudson Rhys Morton.
Further Resources for Grief Support:
• https://www.texaschildrens.org/departments/death-of-a-child/grief-resources (Houston, TX)
• https://www.memorialhermann.org/support-services/grief-and-bereavement-resources (Houston, TX)
• https://www.bosplace.org/en/ (Houston, TX)
• https://www.compassionatefriends.org/
• https://www.prayingthroughministries.org/
• Ours: Biblical Comfort for Men Grieving Miscarriage, by Eric Schumacher. Paul David Tripp, on The Connecting Podcast with Eric Schumacher, stated that this is a book about grief – not only miscarriage – a resource for people going through suffering of any kind. You can view the podcast here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps7Zz0OqPh0
• Held: 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage, by Abbey Wedgeworth (Devotional Book).
Carlee Ragains 